One Week...

We played that BNL song enroute to work tonight. Somehow I have a feeling I'll be checking email even after leaving for Christmas.

It's been a year. Several trips, including Oslo. Several frustrations at work. Luckily, the family is healthy and we have another nephew. We have not had to suffer much.

It's two weeks and one day to my 39th Christmas. And you know, I'm not even feeling that spirit this year. We haven't decorated at home, we haven't even gone to the mall to go shopping. What's been done is all online. We haven't even bought a tree.

Some of it is preaching that kindness and that coolness that I feed myself. Some of it is just being tired and need to give myself a true break from trying to do it all. It's something only women try to do: it all. And there's always an element of second guessing.

So one week. And there's a lot ahead this week, something almost every day. So here's to making it a good week. 

Thanksgiving, Sick, Etc.

Been a long week. I keep saying "I survived Thanksgiving." I survived the trip, the Turkey Trot, the photos, the Melatonin, and Interstellar. I hate to be crude about it. But after coming home, sick and facing insomnia, well, I was glad to be home. It was too much.

I need to strive to care for myself better. Nurse myself, treat myself gingerly, take care now. I think it's easy to put yourself on the back burner. Very easy, when you strive to care for others. And I think it's wearing my body down. I did get to run this morning and yesterday, and though I was exhausted from the Tylenol PM, at least I did it. And it felt good getting that done before 8am.

This weekend? Watch football, relax, sleep. See friends. Take care. Treat myself kindly, and strive to treat others kindly, too.

J&J

Everyone now and then, out of nowhere, I get lost in the J&J story. Lately, it's been the rape aftermath, because Days apparently can't stop beating that story. Gosh, I can't believe this really started 25 years ago. I don't know how I even got so into them, maybe it was watching a bit over Christmas and breaks, and then I really got sucked into the COD. It was June 1990, really, but something must have sparked that interest. Being 14 at the time, I was at that age, too. The perfect storm. And watching those scenes, so readily available on YouTube, damn. I forget and then remember all over again how wrapped up I was in that story, how wonderful the acting was, how captivating and frustrating and angst-filled it all was.

Anyway, I am sure my interest will recede, but I know when other stressful things are on my mind, I get lost in those Days. It's a good escape, albeit only a temporary one.

Four Things

Four names that people call me other than my real name:

1. LisaBeee
2. Sweetie

Four jobs I’ve had:

1. Aco Hardware
2. Arbor Drugs
3. The Children's Place
4. Giffels

Four movies you’ve watched more than once:

1. It's a Wonderful Life
2. With Honors
3. Pretty Women
4. Dirty Dancing

Four books I’d recommend:

1. A History of the American People
2. Rules of Civility
3. A Good Man is Hard to Find and other Short Stories
4. James Madison by Lynne Cheney
   

Four places I’ve lived

1. Detroit
2. Indiana
3. Washington, DC
4. Arlington, VA

Four Places you have visited:

1. Dublin
2. Oslo
3. Uganda
4. Finland

Four places I’d rather be right now:

1. The Bahamas
2. at my parents' house
3. with my nephews
4. Paris

Four things I don’t eat:

1. Olives
2. canned tuna fish
3. kiska
4. sweet breads

Four of my favorite foods:

1. Lasagna
2. Pizza
3. Potato Chips
4. Sushi

Four TV shows I watch:

1. Nashville
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. The Big Bang Theory
4. Mad Men

Four things I’m looking forward to this year:

1. Bahamas
2. Thanksgiving
3. Christmas
4. Visiting Cincinnati

Immigration

This may be one of the worst columns I’ve ever seen. How dare the US make our country so attractive that we force Cuban doctors, exploited by their communist government, to want to defect! (and it’s all George W. Bush’s fault, since the policy was created in 2006). 

So Disgruntlement...

I've been going through those stages in the last, oh 15 years, when I just need to move on. I work so hard, feel so little respect, and just get so disgruntled. And you do this flip side, bargaining sort of perspective: Lucky to have a job, lucky to have members I consider friends, lucky to have these kinds of opportunities in general. And then I feel cut off, and disconnected, and ignored. And again, that idea of ego affects me. And I know my attitude is awful now, and I'm maybe being short-sided. I don't know.

I always prided myself on knowing that hard work is acknowledged and rewarded, but motivation...that is the tricky part and where many fall flat. But it's a vicious circle oftentimes: you lose that impetus to advance when you think that everything you do is overlooked. And it's hard to know if you are being sensitive or if you're being realistic. And when it's time to forge onward.

I don't know. I'll see how I feel after yet another convention. I anticipate this time yet dread it. If only I had something going on...I used to fantasize a bit about being pregnant, about feeling well-known and admired and being a central figure. But now I just want to muddle through.

Standing Up for Yourself

One of my deepest regrets in life is how I've occasionally let people steal my joy. More than occasionally. I've let people insult me, yell at me, demean me, and I haven't always defended myself. I let others make me feel diminished.

Maybe it's because of a looming milestone birthday in 16 months. Maybe it's because I was so hurt yesterday to not be included in an awesome black tie gala that I would have felt so honored to attend. Maybe it's because I wasn't considered at all. I don't know.

I have neglected writing a lot. I don't think it is has been become of a lack of things to say. I've certainly mentally noted a number of ideas and internal essays that recount and extrapolate on various slights. Or perceived slights. Or just raw feelings that I can't articulate because of some inner defensiveness, some deep desire to not let others see my wounds.

I'm not a showy person. I'm an introvert in an extrovert's world, and that is the source of both weakness and strength. I can turn it on, but I usually recoil within.

I guess some of this comes from a hidden pride, and that's also not always a good thing. Of course, I have an ego and of course I'd like my self-esteem safely patted and appreciated and nurtured. I will always remember that convention about 11 years ago when I got some whoomps during staff recognition, and it was such a quiet thrill to have comments on that. I don't think I've ever felt that appreciated in my life. Or grateful. It brings a tear to this day.

I also need to be more of an advocate for others. I could do more to appreciate support that I have received. But first, I need to work on recovering my own joy. I have an immense amount of gratitude to have a home, a job, a husband, a brilliant family, and a wide circle of friends and supportive associates. But sometimes you just need that extra bit of love. Or an out of nowhere measure of devotion. Or a boost. Ask and you shall receive, once in a while. Or not.

The Closing Arguments

Charles Krauthammer makes the case against Obama:

The anemic economy, the revulsion with governmental incompetence and the sense of national decline are, taken together, exacting a heavy toll on Democratic candidates. After all, they represent not just the party now in government but the party of government.

These are the closing arguments in the case against the Obama Administration. And Krauthammer barely scratched the surface of issues like Benghazi, his unprecedented executive overreach (and abdication, of everything he “didn’t know about”, and Fast & Furious.

Though don’t underestimate potential voter fraud in several places like Colorado. (And just general GOP campaign incompetence, though Dem candidates like Bruce Braley and Senator Mark Udall win this time around for dumb candidate statements). There will likely be run-offs in GA and Louisiana, so the election won’t end on Tuesday.

Age of Reagan

This is an important point about President Reagan:

To begin with perhaps the most important distinction: Reagan was indeed a great champion of human freedom, just as his admirers say, and a nemesis of statism. Nevertheless, he was no simplistic, doctrinaire libertarian.

The core of Reagan’s thought lay not primarily in his love of freedom, as powerful as that was, but in something else, something captured in the epitaph on his grave, which quoted his own words:

I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there’s purpose and worth to each and every life.

For Reagan, human dignity—not human freedom—came first. This idea permeated his political career.

As early as 1957, in a commencement address at Eureka College, his alma mater, he defined the Cold War as “a simple struggle between those of us who believe that man has the dignity and sacred right and the ability to choose and shape his own destiny and those who do not so believe.” For Reagan, human dignity was what enabled human freedom—that is, the ability of each individual to “shape his own destiny”—not the reverse.

President Reagan captured the times, and it's no surprise that this next generation of conservative presidential candidates want to connect with him and want voters to associate. But this emphasis on "dignity" is a critical distinction. Without dignity, there can be no liberty or freedom, because you lose your free will. And right, at a time when dependency and debt and hopelessness permeates our inner cities and culture, perhaps only someone like a Paul Ryan can speak in this voice. I'm not sure any of the other candidates can articulate that as well.

Scary World

As a frequent flier, it is unnerving to hear that the second healthcare worker who treated Thomas Eric Duncan flew on an airplane shortly before being diagnosed with Ebola. So crazy. I mean, God only knows who may be diagnosed next. That poor nurse, that innocent victim. There is too much scary at times. I guess the world was a scary place when we were children...the long-ago threat of a nuclear war and the Soviet Union was what kept you up at night. And that threat dissipated as the Soviet  Union broke up. It's been nearly 25 years since the Berlin Wall fell, and I still remember watching Germans scale the wall on that night in November, out of joyful anticipation that the physical wall was falling, along with the political divides that had carved up a continent for over 40 years.

But now? Think of all that has happened in this past year, from Boko Haram to ISIS to ongoing violence in Syria, to the downed jetliner and the missing Malaysian jet. To sickness that children are carrying with them as they cross the border, a strange polio-esque violence that paralyzes and kills other innocents. You lose track and move past last week's threat to prepare for something even wilder than your typical imagination.

I think about how many flights I've taken in the last six weeks...to Norway and to Seattle and Portland and Montana and soon to Utah. And trains and metros and buses and ships. We're all vulnerable, and I don't think the Weekly Standard is scare-mongering when it says a terrorist could contract Ebola and still fly to the United States, vomit all over the New York expressway. Remember, I was at Harris Teeter last weekend when some hipster-looking kid asked to cut in front of me in line because he needed to buy anti-vomit medication. That today raises alarms. You don't know. It's a failure of imagination to assume that whatever the next threat will be is one that we can anticipate. No one once upon a time through a jetliner could crash into a skyscraper. That is why they call it terrorism.

But we live our lives and we accept that our common humanity makes us realize that man is largely decent. And we cannot live in fear, because that is no life. But it is a scary world, and we're naive to pretend that convoluted reasons to keep borders open is nothing but a triumph of political correctness. The world may ultimately a humane place, but Ebola doesn't know that.

Northern Lights

Seeing these on the Hurtigruten cruise was a highlight of our time in Norway. Check out this video of the northern lights.

This Month...

Sigh. I really need to make a commitment to writing more. It's been a whirlwind of a month..

Norway. From the very delayed flight to the Hurtigruten cruise, to Oslo and sushi and the Scream and lots of walking, it was a very memorable trip. I have yet to absorb it. But never put off til tomorrow.

Montana. A week spent driving from Missoula to Helena to Bozeman to Big Sky. There is a freedom in being in the mountains, with a river running past the road. It was wonderful and beautiful all at the same time.

Getting ready for Seattle and Portland. And dinner and more work.

And reading lots of books, including finishing up James Madison and Bill Bryson's One Summer and now reading about Thomas Jefferson. And catching up on some movies like The Fault in our Stars and A Winter's Tale.

Anyway, I will write more and often and I'll try to wrap my brain around how September flew past.

Thirteen Years Later...

The war on terror continues. Great words from Daniel Henninger on fighting ISIS and the leadership we deserve.

If Mr. Obama still thinks he's better than Susan Rice, John Kerry, Chuck Hagel andJohn Brennan, then he and the nation supporting his anti-ISIS effort are being poorly served. He should fire them all and bring in people who know more about fighting terrorists than he does. Barack Obama admires Abraham Lincoln. Act like him. Appoint the best people and let them win it.

Winning would also require a president willing to confront the political correctness that has undermined the U.S.'s battle against terror.

No more sophistry about whether a Benghazi qualifies as terrorism. After the videotaped beheadings of James Foley and Steven Sotloff, is anyone still lying awake at night worrying that their iPhone number is among millions of others in the National Security Agency's data mines?

Closing Gitmo goes on the backburner. "Boots on the ground"—kill that too. It has become code for boots going nowhere, as Mr. Obama's airpower-only campaign made clear Wednesday evening.

It has taken 13 years to this day, September 11, for the reality of global Islamic terrorism to finally sink in—here in the U.S. and everywhere else, including the ever-equivocal capitals of the Middle East.

In the years after 9/11 came London, Madrid, the Boston Marathon, multiple failed attempts to bomb New York City, Mumbai, Kenya, Boko Haram, the re-rocketing of Tel Aviv, Christian holy places destroyed, thousands of Arabs blown up in the act of daily life. That's the short list. ISIS is just the tip of the world's unstable iceberg. We're all living on the Titanic.

Now a reluctant progressive president goes to war without admitting it is war. It's even money at best that he or the Left will stay the course if the going gets tough beyond Iraq's borders.

Every Simpsons Ever

We've been enjoying the Simpsons marathon over the last few days on FXX. So many wonderful classic episodes. Loving the Summer of 4'2", Lisa becoming a vegetarian, the monorail, Dr. Zaius, Bart's people, Homer gaining 300 pounds, all of the old gags and supporting players from Milhouse to Sideshow Bob to Groundskeeper Willie to Bumblebee Man to the ridiculous gags and sentimentality. I forgot about those touching moments like Homer covering his work station with Maggie's photos.

That show is classic, and I cannot believe it's been on the air for nearly 25 years. And I owe my marriage in a way to it!

Twenty Years Later...

Twenty years ago this week, I started college.

I thought of that because it's move-in day and 381 or so Freshman have packed up their bags and loaded their cars, driven miles away from home, and started a new chapter in their life.

I don't know if graduating high school or starting college is a bigger achievement or milestone. They both go hand-in-hand, of course. But I remember how much more I anticipated the later, because I truly thought it was a beginning I craved. No more lonely nights, no more shadows of past classmates or friends, no more regrets. College would make me different, maybe even more "normal."

Freshman year was tough, and in retrospect, I had too high of hopes. I immediately fell into old traps, because at heart I'm a "good girl." I was a little scared of partying and drinking, and I didn't know how to behave around guys. And the friends I made I was a little apprehensive about...I mean, I was so unsure I wasn't going to meet the "right crowd." I guess I knew in the pit of my stomach that I really hadn't...it all fell apart half-way through the year. And it really wasn't until a year later that I met my friends for life.

I think if I had advice for a college Freshman this week, it would be to listen to your gut, don't do anything that makes you feel raw in the stomach, but it's OK to go outside of your comfort zone. Sign up for a new club, take a class that really inspires you, say hello to someone who just may have been more "popular" than you were in high school, and it's OK to be a little lost. Those feelings won't last.

And most importantly, know that this isn't the last "first" you'll have. Whether it's your first post-college job, or grad school, or moving in with friends or a boy, or starting a second or third new job, there will be many other beginnings. So if this one isn't perfect, know that such a thing doesn't exist.

And have fun. Always have fun.

Vacay

We had another good vacation, though I still feel like we're recovering from it. Good times on South Padre, with lots of Dirty Al's and time swimming. And some hot tub time. Time with kids, Taboo, lots of shrimp, and the usual amount of disorganization. We were very pleased to get upgraded to First Class both ways to Jamaica. Granted, we've been to this resort before. And it was much like we remembered it. Though we did get upgraded to a one-bedroom suite that was a usual butler room. The food was good, the beach was good, though we did have our share of rain. It wasn't entirely unwelcome, because it was hot and we were so burnt out (not literally...I did a better job of freckling than sunburning).

We also met our usual collection of friends nearly old enough to be our parents. We are definitely tight with the 50 something crowd. There are never many people in their 30s and 40s at their resorts...too busy with babies. We split the difference between honeymooners and the couples escaping their nearly grown children. Which is fine. The couples from Long Island were very nice, and very conservative. Not surprisingly.

We kept to our busy routine of working out X# of times per day. Which is exhausting, though I was grateful that we could kayak, tried snorkeling, and run. And swim for some people! I also filled up on lots of mango and bacon, which were delicious. We also burnt some off with ping pong.

But after this and a quick trip to Boston, it was so good to be at home. Though this weekend will be another over-scheduled one...

Vamanos

Ready to leave here on vacation. This week has seemed exceptionally difficult...lots of work, lack of sleep, too much on my mind, busy busy.   And it's been beautifully cool and sunny and gorgeous outside of course. I am looking forward to some beach time, some time to truly relax and eat great food and just enjoy not being in DC. It's been a lot lately, being here. And that week in Michigan seems so long ago.

Adieu, DC. See you later.

Best Teams in Detroit History

The Free Press lists the best sports teams in Detroit history. I don't think you can quibble with #1, the 1968 Tigers. Or #2, the 1997 Detroit Red Wings. But I'd have the 1984 Tigers up there. With all of the despair as murder capital of the world and the arsons, that team was magical and led wire-to-wire.

There are some other rankings on there, too, to celebrate Detroit's 313th birthday. And more I'd disagree with. Kwame Kilpatrick as Detroit's worst mayor? Probably. But where's Coleman Young?

And this is a cool feature, showing the city's changing landscape.

Weekend in Virginia

S participated in the Colonial Beach Triathlon last weekend, so we went down there Saturday afternoon to stay over night. He finished, a little slower than his goal due to a swim snafu, but did great (despite barely training for it). Sigh. Wish I could do that. It was so hot and the women were just so stellar.

Colonial Beach may have been described as the "playground on the Potomac" once upon a time, though it was kind of dumpy, to be honest. The beach was rocky and the water was kind of muddled. We had dinner at High Tides which featured good seafood as well as a convenient location from the hotel. We also had ice cream, always a score.

I will never "know" Virginia like Michigan, and it's never going to be quite like home. But we've had a chance to see parts of the state--the Shenandoah, Richmond, Charlottesville, Onancock, and Chincoteague in the past year or so, which is a better track record than previously. Still much more to see, though.

Fourth of July

We had a fun 4th of July, complete with barbeque, friends, fireworks, and World Cup. And new babies!

Menu:

Snack: Grilled Gulf shrimp marinated with pesto dipping sauce (since I needed to use up that basil asap)

Bruschetta: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ree-drummond/bruschetta-recipe.html

Chicken sausage skewers: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/chicken-sausage-skewers-recipe.html

Burgers

Guacamole

Mango Salsa

Peach and raspberry Cobbler: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchens/peach-and-raspberry-cobbler-recipe.html

 

Dessert was absolutely delicious and which I am not sad at all that I have to eat almost entirely by myself.

The bonus fireworks in the alley keep outdoing the previous year's performance. I just love the 4th.

Bogus War on Women

Once again, women are deemed victims of the evil Supreme Court, which just denied women "health care" in the form of "free" birth control. Once again, liberals are propagating this ridiculous lie, and women are falling for it, bemoaning that their access to their life-saving IUDs have been slashed.

Hogwash.

The WSJ sums up the series of lies very succinctly:

All this crocodile outrage is wonderfully fact-free. The High Court majority granted that women's health is a compelling state interest but that the White House's means were illegal under RFRA. The opinion is largely irrelevant in practice to contraceptive "access," which will remain cheap and abundant. The Institute of Medicine reports that contraceptive benefits are "standard practice for most private insurance" and that 89% of plans cover all 20 FDA-approved methods. Hobby Lobby only disapproves of four methods, and few companies would claim the religious convictions to bar even those.

Democrats also fail to mention that the health plans of about 190 million people were already absolved from the mandate before Monday's ruling, either because they work for exempt businesses with 50 workers or fewer or as a result of the Obama Administration's "accommodation" for religious nonprofits. That arrangement is a creature of bureaucratic discretion, not statute, and thus could be expanded to companies like Hobby Lobby without Congress if Mr. Obama honestly thinks the female body is at risk.

Oh, and I don't want my president telling me what my bosses should cover. I choose who to work for, and I make that bargain with them as to what they can cover. Right?

Here's White House press secretary Josh Earnest : "President Obama believes that women should make personal health-care decisions for themselves rather than their bosses deciding for them. . . . The constitutional lawyer in the Oval Office disagrees with that conclusion." This appeal to diploma is weird, because Hobby Lobby turned on the straightforward application of a federal statute. The First Amendment's free-exercise clause wasn't reached.

 Don't even get me started on Hillary's histrionics:

"a disturbing trend that you see in a lot of societies that are very unstable, anti-democratic and frankly prone to extremism," which is "women and girls being deprived of their rights," including "control over their bodies," she said this week.

Does she really believe that "depriving" women of four forms of abortificients is going to turn us into Afghanistan or something far worse? Are we not North Korea?

Get a grip, America. The world didn't end. You can still have promiscuous sex, and someone will still pay for it. (Ultimately, you, the tax payer and insuree,but hey, that's another argument.)

Up North

We had a busy, hectic, outdoorsy sort of week. The kind that can reveal some tension, but also times that you'll remember--like K reminding J about the importance of memories.

A little agenda and then my highlights...

Got in Saturday, picked up pizza and groceries. Favorite part? Hanging out at the hot tub, hearing J tell kindergarten stories (no way he's in group I!!) and watching the sunset.

Sunday getting a bite to eat after church, and then a barbeque and gorgeous sunset.

Monday? Watching soccer at Mackinaw Brewing Company in downtown Traverse City. Grilling fajitas, and then sunset and J's Bar and getting reminded about the need to tip.

Fishing in Elk Rapids on Tuesday. We caught some great Lake Trout and then had a fish fry that night. Also smores! I also went to a winery with P&M to Hawthorne Winery.

Wednesday we went up to Mackinac Island. We rented bikes and biked two loops (16 miles) around the island. Then dinner at mom & dad's favorite Darrow's.

Thursday was the next U.S. World Cup game against Germany (go USA!) and we had lunch with C & baby Jack at Seven Monks Taproom. We then kind of lazed around with pizza before an epic battle of Apples to Apples.

Friday we went to the cabin, the first time I've been there in almost twenty years. We went to 2 Lads Winery before another barbeque, more Apples to Apples, and a memorable night of playing a$$hole with my brothers and SILs. We also let off some fireworks (baby ones).

And then it was time to go home.

Favorite memories?

1. J reminding me "Uncle Steve said you had to pay me a dollar" for his beer delivery.
2. J proudly proclaiming "I'm a good reader!"
3. J reading SCOTUSBlog with me.
4. J bringing out the soap after his pee break.
5. Baby Jack never stopping smiling!
6. C&J drinking water out of the hose, and coaxing a smile out of C.
7. S trying to swim in that ridiculous wetsuit and his even more ridiculous attempts to stand-up paddle board. Also S's 18 mile two a day.
8. Those absolutely breathtaking sunsets, where the sun literally melts into the earth.
9. All of our ridiculous attempts to hook up ESPN.
10. Hanging out with my siblings and SILs that last night, telling stories, talking about Aunt Joan and little Asian babies and how sweet little J is, how sad he was about leaving, and remembering how much I miss not being closer. Sigh.
11. Lots of Shorts beer. Awesome to discover a new brewery from Elk Rapids and Bellaire!

1984 Tigers

This piece was a nice memory, on the thirtieth anniversary of the Detroit Tigers winning the World Series. And to win with a walk-off home run, the same way they won when honoring the team 10 and 20 years ago?!?!? Wow.

Anyone who remembers that team in that year will never forget the electricity of that city. No, it wasn't like 1968. But that team was so good, so positive, and such great ambassadors for the city. So tragic that it's been so long.

Maybe this is the year. I've said that a few times lately, but now that J is the same age as his dad was, maybe this is the year. Bless you boys, and bless you current team. I hope this is the year, for the city and for family.

Summer of 1994

People reminds us what we were talking about twenty years ago...OJ, Forrest Gump, Sheryl Crow, Ace of Base, the World Cup in the US, Oasis, Wheezer, the Lion King, Jackie Kennedy, Woodstock II...wow...was that twenty years ago? And that summer, an infant Amazon appeared, too. And I graduated high school, started college, discovered Green Day and Live and Candlebox...Wow...

This and That

I don't know where this month has gone, and I don't have much of an excuse for not writing. There was that wedding in Chicago and a quick trip to Indy. And we leave for Michigan in two days. I'm ridiculously excited about a week with my family and the nephews. Actually, as they say, the anticipation of the trip is almost enough. I'm tired of work, tired of drama and tired of the heat (though less tired of heat than that winter from hell). I suppose it's now six months, the half way point, of the year since Christmas and vacation and it's just gnawing on me.

I am already mentally done for the week, and it's only 2:13 pm on Thursday. I want to get away to read, sit on a plane or in a car, and enjoy 70 degree weather and the bay just outdoors. I don't care if it's only 65 degrees. Anywhere but here. Good riddance.

So here's to a great vacation and to taking a break from Obama's latest transgressions, to office political drama, to humidity and heat, to small talk at receptions, and to constantly checking my phone. Goodbye and good luck.

Remembering President Reagan

Ten years ago, we lost President Reagan. I remember those days as some of my most memorable in Washington...watching the flyover, waiting in line for hours with Steve, Dave, and Jenny. Getting the fast track for those few moments where we were able to enter the Capitol rotunda.

These quotes and video clips sum up the class that President Reagan exuded. As our  country debates and decries how our current president swapped Taliban prisoners for a "POW" who may have renounced our country. Not the same, sadly, Not the same.

Birthdays and Anniversaries

It's dad's birthday, and the other day, I had a dream or a stark thought that it also marks forty years since his mom died. My grandmother. I never know how to approach that, whether to acknowledge it and of course, I am sure he thinks about it. How can he not?

Forty years seems so long and it's a blink, really. I mean, I've been in DC for sixteen years. And there are days when I'm floored I've been here this long. Take nothing for granted. There are no guarantees and no promises of things remaining the same.

With that sentiment, I'm off to Chicago to celebrate a friend and colleague's wedding.

May 22, 1994: Advice to those Graduating from High School, Twenty Years Later

I don't remember very much about the morning of my high school graduation. I am sure I journaled it. I remember it was sunny, and I remember what I was wearing. I remember my speech and Sister J and I remember saying hello and goodbye to some of the girls after. And that was it.

I think we place so much primacy on this date at 18 because life is a little predictable before that. I mean, anything can happen. But you grow up and go to school and then turn 18 and then you can make your own decisions, carve your own path. Before that, freedom of choice is a bit limited.

I think about all of the milestones I've hit in the last two decades, with children being the one I've missed. But I've graduated from college, and then grad school. I moved to DC. I got married. I bought a house. I have traveled to Europe and Africa. I traveled to California and Texas and New York and many states in between. I got a job, and have had this one for nearly 15 years. I have three beautiful nephews on my side and two nephews (soon to be three) and a nice on the other side. I've made friends, lost some, experienced tragedy and 9/11 and lost family members, like my grandfather. But life truly began for me after May 22.

That doesn't mean that life is always smooth sailing after graduation. It isn't. No, it surely is not. Friends are always difficult, relationships are fraught with good times or bad.  You struggle with jealousy and envy and resentment and the comparison trap is fragile. You realize that the world competes heartier than it does in your high school or even your college. You realize that there is always someone more brilliant and brighter and more striking than you. Your realize you can be insulted in the most profound way, in that your essence and spark are questioned. And you doubt yourself all over again, so that teenage insecurity is laughable. You question your life goals and second guess your decisions, and you wonder "what if" beginning with the first grown up choice you make regarding college. You cry tears of betrayal and loss and frustration and fear and you experience all of those same high school emotions, magnified. You question your faith and the principles you thought grounded you.

You also experience wonder, astonishment, and happiness unlike anything else you have ever experienced. You marvel that you can build a life for yourself, you make more wonderful friends than you could have ever dreamed, and of course you may fall in love, if you are lucky. You  experience the joy of new family members, the beauty of places you have only dreamed of yourself. You open yourself up to new  and ridiculous and crazy and remarkable things, and you know that your life is unwritten. And you realize you have more resiliency, more strength, more fortitude, more grace, and more perseverance than you ever thought possible.

It makes me wonder where the next twenty years will lead. I think the pace of change slows, but if I am lucky enough to get another two decades with good health and family, I will continue to appreciate things. I mean, I hope I will still have wonderful opportunities and pleasures and adventures.

I knew that May 22, 1994 was only just the beginning. But now, as I start to move into the middle ages of my life, I truly know how much of a beginning that was. So if you are still counting down those days to high school graduation, well, it will come quickly. Life goes by too quickly. So savor every day.

Napa

Napa was lovely this year, as always. After a 6am wake-up call, we immediately headed from SFO to Bottega, per our traditional meal (the seafood brodetto, of course). We had dinner on Friday night at Archetype, which was delicious despite our absolute tiredness. Bacon encrusted halibut, yum.

Saturday we went to the Oxbow Market, a first for me. Seafood tacos from C Casa were pricey but delicious. Crab tacos? Yes, please. Then we had a wine tasting at Franciscan, which was elaborate but very nice. Dinner at Bouchon? Chicken, a simple greens salad with goat cheese, and that chocolate dessert complete with Cline wines made for another nice meal. Sunday? We had a lovely wine and cheese pairing at St. Supery with Lou. And then lunch at Gott's Roadside with a stop to hang out at Mondavi. But frankly, I was tired of wine by then. The horror! Afterwards, we made our way to the scenic Marriott at SFO and were ready to call it.

A good weekend with good friends and their little guy. Some teasing, sure. And too much indulgence. Napa is always a little taste of heaven and sunshine and the work stuff is just stuff. Until next time...

High School, Two Decades Hence

Next week marks my 20 year anniversary of graduating from high school.

That used to seem like such a long time. When you're a senior, that is longer than you have been alive. And the four years after high school seem unimaginable.

I'm glad I'm divorced from that time of my life, and I really have no real strong desire to go back if there's a reunion. There is a curiosity, but of course, that both killed the cat and Facebook ate it. So there's that.

So funny because I know from FB that two girls from elementary school are visiting DC right now. They could only be a few blocks away.

Those days seem like a lifetime ago, and truly they are. The disaster of prom, the baccalaureate mass, my speech, taking a few pictures. I was so shocked when I started college and so many people, especially my roommate, peppered their dorm rooms with pictures of friends from high school. I panicked because I really had nothing. So I stuck some up, to cover it up and not appear too weird.

It took about 18 months until I really felt in a groove post-HS. Those days are so tough, and whatever small amounts of happiness exist are so fleeting. But for so many, it's a happy time.

High school graduation seems less like an accomplishment to me than a given. Of course, everyone graduates. High school is a much larger milestone.

But nevertheless, I will be thinking about those days in May 1994 quite a bit over the next week. I'll think about the 18 year old that I was, how ready I was to break out of Michigan, how naive I was to think that graduation was a cure all and life would really begin again in August. And how I already would have regrets, about college and my social life and how I wanted to fit in. When I really should have just treated being myself as vindication for survival.

So if any 18 year old reads these words, know that this is just one day, and one stop, and one milestone. It's not everything. It's a pause to remember that so much more is to come in life, and disappointments at prom and at 18 are not everything. It's not what movies and TV shows build up to be. But it's something to celebrate, because you have survived this far. That is happiness.

Grays

I think I found a gray hair today.

My hair can get a tinge of blondish reddish sometimes in the summer. But this was a pale, white one.

Ugh.

I don't dwell on the fact that I'm only 22 months away from 40, or that next week will mark twenty years since I've graduated from high school. Or I've had this job for 15 years. Or that my parents are in their late 60s. I mean, I still feel the way I did when I was 24.

I'm going to interview a kid that was basically born in 1992. I was sixteen then. Gah.

I search for new lines on my face and crow's feet, and lines on my hands. And wrinkles. And it's hard to relate to people who don't remember the years I was in high school, or even college. Or who were born nearly into the Clinton presidency. And I've yet to contemplate becoming someone's mother.

I will fight to keep my natural brown hair for as long as I can. But I won't fight forever.  I can't fight Mother Nature. I guess it beats the alternative.

When You Aren't a Mother

Mother's Day is always difficult for me, like it is for many. I'm lucky and blessed and grateful that I have a wonderful mother, and I was lucky enough to see her last weekend. But we're separated by so many miles and it's rare when I can be with her on Mother's Day. And I know she is sad about that, too.

But there's another reason. And it's a selfish one, maybe. Because so many mourn their mothers or have dealt with relationships with their mom fraught with drama and difficulty. But me...I yearn to be a mom. And it's not for any particular reason...but it is what it is. And in a way, I'm glad I can isolate myself from Mother's Day. Motherhood is sooo celebrated, as it should be. It is almost glorified and exalted much more today than it was when I was young, at least as far as I can recall. And there are Facebook posts with proud mamas and their babies, throwback posts and adoring husbands just loving on their wives. And family members, too.

I think sometimes we're overly sensitized, and we tiptoe around offending people. And I don't mean to call for a boycott on everything Mother's Day just to avoid hurting someone's feelings. It's only one day, and it's a Hallmark Holiday anyway. But all day, wow...I have to block it out. And I think we all could do a little more to realize that for many reasons, this day is hurtful for many. Those missing their moms because of death or distance, those mourning a baby lost before the baby was even born or prematurely, those who yearn to be a mama but aren't because they haven't met the right man or have health issues or anxiety or doubt. And those who offered their baby for adoption and still miss them desperately. And as proud as mamas should be, and as much as they love and sacrifice for their families, they should also have compassion for those women who so desperately would trade places.