St. Lucia!!!

Two months from today, right now, we'll be in St. Lucia!!! Can I tell you how excited I am to be spending five lovely nights away from Washington. Whoo-hooooo!

And a month from now, we'll be in Detroit. So good things!

And I get to be a bridesmaid again for Julie!!

Good things. Focus on the good things. Sunshine and Friday happy hours. And two days off! And the in-laws visit, Chicago, and Detroit and St. Lucia to look forward to!

Tweeting My Day...

Coffee....

Thursday a.m. ritual time.

Walk around. Borders. Salad. Try to be healthy.

Bored.

Ready to see the husband.

Seriously, I have wasted way too much time today, and I don't care.

Ryan White

It's been twenty years since he passed away. Wow. He was 18 years old and now he'd be 38 years old. Once in a while, I really get the passage of time. And reading that story reminded me of hearing his story in the 1980s, how he was ostracized and discriminated against because he had AIDS.

If he had been diagnosed in 1990, he may be alive today. I hope he knows that he has a still powerful legacy.

Favorites

1. Political show: Fox Sunday

2. Picnic food: burgers

3. Mixed drink: Bombay Sapphire and tonic with a wedge of lime

4. U.S. President: Ronald Reagan

5. Kind of student to teach: political science

6. Hobby you do or wish you still did: running

7. Sports commentator: Al Michaels

8. Sport to watch on TV: Football

9. Animal to have as a pet: none

10. Halloween costume you have worn: doctor

11. Kind of dessert: key lime pie

12. Comic strip: Used to be For Better or For Worse

13. Ice cream flavor: Strawberry or chocolate chip cookie dough

14. News source: Drudge

15. Vacation spot: Antigua, or the Outer Banks.

16. Wine: St. Supery

17. Way to waste time instead of working: Internet

18. Reality show: American Idol

19. Childrens movie: Beauty and the Beast?

20. Celebrity you wish would retire: Jane Fonda, Barbara Streisand, etc. etc.

Breaks My Heart

These stories of teens being bullied break my heart.

Alex had been harassed and ostracized at school, mostly by a small group of students.

Among other things, his parents say Falan's report detailed eyewitness reports of a lunchroom incident that happened the day before their son died.

They say Alex had approached a table of popular students when one of the girls at the table used an expletive to tell him to him to go away.

Then she added, "Don't you know everyone hates you?"

There were reports of other incidents, his parents say, with a small group of students surrounding and taunting him in a secluded hallway with no cameras when no one else was around. Some also frequently chanted "Creeper, Creeper," using a nickname they'd given him.

His parents say yet another student spread a rumor that Alex was looking in her windows at night, which his parents insist wasn't true.

Still, Alex remained stoic.

"Is it the total reason he took his life? That is unknown," Falan says. But he does believe "it is part of the 'why.'"

He learned it was "not cool to be smart." He was teased and bullied while playing tennis. He was harassed. And today with facebook and social networking, kids can take this bullying even further out. They can make someone's life miserable.

Not much changes between generations of children.

New Music

So I'm listening to the National album. Definitely some of my favorite new tunes from a great band.

And NPR's All Songs Considered has both the New Pornographers and the Josh Ritter albums streaming. So much good new music coming soon!

Fun Weekend With Family

Had a really fun weekend with Paul and Megan. We started out on Friday at Good Stuff Eatery for burgers. They were quite good. I don't think I could eat this on a daily basis, or even weekly basis, but they were tasty. Then we walked...to the Capitol, to the American History Museum, to near the Washington Monument and the White House and back and forth for drinks until we finally arrived at Poste. We had a way strong Cosmo and white wine before heading home via metro to Eastern Market, where we picked up the car and headed to Harris Teeter for kabobs and more beer.

Saturday I dragged Paul on a 3+ mile run, and I outran him! I was nervous about weather all day, but it mostly held out. We made some pancakes and headed back out again. It drizzled a bit as we drove to the Lincoln Memorial and then we headed into Georgetown for the bulk of the afternoon. We did some shopping and had lunch at Pizzeria Paradiso. It was quite good. And I had another beer. Yes, lots of drinking.

And Saturday night was quite fun, too. We started with Caipirinhas at The Grill From Impanema
followed by a sushi dinner at Perry's. Then we shared wine flights at Veritas. Finally, we had to have a little Awesomeness at Little Miss Whiskey's. And of course, for sobering up food, my husband ordered a sandwich at Taylor's.

It was fun. Lots of stories, lots of drinking, lots of good time spent with my little brother and his wife. I really enjoyed myself, and I already miss them. We mostly went to old favorites, but I have to say, we really ate well. I was able to take them to some of my favorite bars and tried two places I've been meaning to try. So a good time was had by all.

Best

Spin just ranked the 125 best albums of the 25 years of its existence, and much to my (pleasant) surprise, Achtung Baby was #1.

The magazine describes:

But the frisson found expression in U2's most immediately dynamic music since 1982's War, and its most emotionally frank songs to date, capturing that particular early-'90s rub of boundless possibility and worn-down despair. Bono's lyrical flights had a battered grit, like a defrocked cleric stirred to regain his flock without the usual trick bag of bullshit. "One" became an indelible anthem because it admitted "we're not the same" but urged that we've gotta "carry each other" nonetheless. The squalling swagger of "The Fly" resonated due to the rock star at its center confessing he's a liar and a thief. And for "Mysterious Ways," the Edge somehow concocted a jubilantly snarling riff that transformed Bono's gospel come-on so it didn't feel gross the morning after.

Usually, OK Computer or Nevermind or something similar ranks at the top. I think Achtung Baby was the first CD I just loved that was seriously awesome music. I bought it in 1991 or 1992, when I was in high school, on cassette, and I listened to that so many times. It took a while for me to get into my musical groove, though I still appreciate the Janet Jackson-esque tunes I listened to at the time. But getting into REM, Natalie Merchant, Green Day, Live, the Cranberries, the Cure, Pearl Jam, Wheezer, and whatever else transitioned to the music I listen to at this day. And I do owe it all to Bono and the boys of U2. I made college friendships through their CDs, I made it to concerts of theirs with friends, and I love their stuff to this day.

I did love OK Computer #5, #21 What's the Story Morning Glory, #35 Automatic for the People, and #42 Dookie, among others, on the list. But nothing compares to Achtung Baby. I should put it on this afternoon...

Baby Baby

So lately, with the sheet number of new moms and moms-to-be that I know, babies are on the brain. I've lost track of who is pregnant, who just had a baby, and who will probably be pregnant with #2 before not too much longer. And I'm okay with that. Really, I am. But six months from now, maybe I won't be as okay with it. Maybe not even three months from now.

I worry it will or will not happen. I worry that people will think there is something wrong with me. I worry I will be letting the grandparents down, or that I'm a poseur or hiding. I worry I am getting too old, or I will be too old before long. And I worry that I really can't have one.

Holding little Blake, I could almost close my eyes and think that maybe one day, that will be my baby in my arms. So soft and small and so doted upon. Even if you're tired. Even if you are poor. Even if you just want to give up one day but know you can't.

I worry that pregnancy will even be passe, that all of the now moms will not care about infants at that stage. And I worry that I worry about being current and trendy.

You worry about children far before they are even here, don't you?

If I were to tweet my day...

Coffeeeee!!!!

So many blogs to read.

I don't like conference calls.

What music to listen to? Oh Josh Ritter marathon on lala....

The perfect pita and a new black skirt!

A beautiful day and stuck inside, boo.

So many baby pictures to look at. 2010 is the year of the baby.

Still jamming to Josh Ritter.

To run or not to run?

Ready to go home.

9:30 Club

Second post...the Washington Post magazine had a fantastic cover story this weekend on the history of the 9:30 Club. I've seen my share of concerts there over the years, but nowhere near as many as I'd like...Better than Ezra, Pete Yorn, Better than Ezra, Matthew Sweet, Sugar Ray, Better than Ezra...you get the drift. :-)

And yes, Kevin Griffith was quoted in the story. That 98 concert was still one of the best I've seen.

Here is a chat with more.

Dateline Detroit

Dateline NBC showcased Detroit last night in a special hosted by Chris Hansen. The reactions ranged from being "outraged" an how Detroit is constantly picked apart in the media to those who were basically "yeah, they got it right."

The Freep asked "What do you love about Detroit?" The people, the sports teams, the fact that things suck but people still love the city and are proud to be associated with it. But there are things that people hate about Detroit...the abandoned homes and the inability to sell a home, the lack of jobs and job growth, the despair, the violence, and the abandonment.

I thought the special was very well done. It could have addressed the illegitimacy and the culture of broken families that contributes to the cycles of poverty and violence. And the suburbs of Detroit aren't in much better shape, which was glossed over. But Chris Hansen, whom I remember from his years as a reporter, did a good job in showcasing the city, its problems, and what hope remains for a better future.

Good day so far

Good a.m. run.

Good shopping trip and new Asics!

Good time at Target.

Good time catching up with Top Chef Masters.

Good time catching up with hubbie.

And good time later with friends.

Seventeen

There are days to remember, for good or for bad. Wedding day. Day you met the boy. Day you got your first real job. Day you graduated from college.

Days to forget, though you never will. 9/11. When loved ones pass away. When fifteen year old girls pass away. Horrible days.

It was seventeen years ago Monday--the same day of the week--when Star closed. I was seventeen, so it was almost a half-lifetime ago. Wow. I was a Junior in high school, and I remember that morning and sitting in the library and being a bit shell-shocked. At the time, it was one of the worst moments in my life. It still is.

Senior year is supposed to be this almost idyllic time, a happy year as you transition from being a child to an adult (sort of an adult, maybe). But I never enjoyed senior year, and that marked the start of one of my saddest years.

All of these years later, it affects me. Maybe in a different way than it did then. I still don't fully trust the leadership of the Catholic church, and I never will trust the Detroit archdiocese. I never thought they cared. I know people can be racist and mean. I know they can be selfish. I know that sometimes hopes and expectations can be lowered dramatically, when you least expect. I know that you can go your separate ways and not look back even though you don't fully move forward.

My heart always breaks a little when I hear about a school being closed, to this day, especially if it is a Catholic school. I understand economic realities and those kinds of practicalities. But I don't think there's a way to soften the blow, and even thought it is NOT FAIR, it still has to happen. But I know how much it hurts that day and the next day and six months later.

I don't even say this as someone who left behind a lot of friends, who was part of the "in crowd." I endured Senior Year, I didn't care so much about forming friendships then, and I survived and later thrived in college and afterward.

But I say it as someone who wanted that year to be a time of achievement, academic or otherwise. And I postponed that, well, not really. I settled for something else, a symbolic achievement.

And it is okay. I made my peace with that for the most part.

But every April 19, I take a moment and remember. And even if it is a half of a lifetime later, I remember being seventeen and hearing the news and having my heart break just a bit and NOT BEING FINE WITH IT. I remember still.

Alero

Had a nice girls night out with Christina and Theresa. Aw, what a sweetie. And she's going to be a big sister :-) Makes me want to have one. Someday, if I am lucky....We went to Alero and I ate way too much fajitas, but I did go running this morning.

Oh it was good to have girl time last night and tonight. I need more of that, and I am looking forward to seeing friends this weekend. You need girlfriend time and friend time and getting out. When we are trapped here, that is when it sucks.

Twenty Years Ago II

So it struck me that my twentieth "reunion" year at St. V's is this year. Twenty years. I've written about it before a bit in the facebook context, but I have not wanted to dwell on it. I prefer to focus on the here and now. But it's two decades, and that long since I've seen those facebook "friends."

It feels like another time, another era, so long ago but there are still so many incomplete or unresolved feelings about that time. Like the cliques of popularity still exist and I'm still an outsider, even though I would never want to be "in." And I shouldn't care, right?

You always want to be popular and have friends and share memories and I feel like I don't have that before 1994 or 1990. And as much as it shouldn't matter because my life is so much more fulfilling now and I've accomplished what is important to me, but at the same time I feel....unresolved. Not like you want to confront anyone exactly. Just have acknowledgment of something they probably have never lost a single night of sleep from.

Silly. Not so.

Nice Detroit

I saw this on facebook the other day. Nice to see some "good" things about Detroit.

I know most of my posts are negative, but there are good things about Detroit. Great summers. Community. Good midwestern values. Beautiful homes and neighborhoods. Lakes. History.

But it's sad...if you search for homes for sale in Grandmont Rosedale, one of the "nice" neighborhoods cited, there is so much blight and so many foreclosures. And homes can be bought for a steal, literally. There is one home for $240K, and then the prices drop precipitously. Quickly. The last house on the first page went for only $68K.

There is a house on Carlisle, less than two blocks from where we grew up, that was sold for $1050. That's it. A third of one mortgage payment. A foreclosure on Collingham for $15,900.

Prices jump across the street in Eastpointe, but it's ridiculous. And sad.

Poland

Sad plane crash in Poland this weekend. Tragic. President Lech Kaczynski died, his wife died, along with 95 others. They were flying to remember the Katyn Forest massacre victims.

Very proud to be Polish. A strong, freedom-loving, honorable people.

Napa

Tired, so just a quick recap.

We started at a Taco shack in Sausalito.
Then we went to Cosentino. And St. Supery.
Then Luna. Sipping their pinto grigio now.

Yesterday pizza at Tra Vigne's pizzeria.
Then Beaulieu.
And dinner at Hurley's. Had a creamy butternut squash and pear soup with prosciutto. And the sea bass followed by a cheese course and an ice cream sandwich. I do have a list of wines served, but maybe later. I am tired.

The flight on Virgin was a breeze, especially in the coach select coming back. I watched Couple's Retreat which was pretty entertaining. I got home, squeezed in a lazy three mile run, and am sitting and watching TV. Made a pretty darn good orange roughy with lemon pepper.

Back to the grind.

So tired...

I am just exhausted lately. I wake up tired even if I sleep. I am too tired to run. I am exhausted at the concept of flying across country tomorrow, driving two hours to Napa, and then staying awake til at least midnight, after waking up at 4am. I love Napa, don't get me wrong. But I am tired. So tired. I just want to get on a plane and fly away to a quiet, deserted island, and have someone bring me margaritas or glasses of riesling and cheese and fruit until I fall asleep, blissfully and totally asleep.

I can dream...

Love

Beautiful letter from President Reagan to Nancy on their 20th anniversary.

The important thing is I don't want to be without for the next 20 years, or 40, or however many there are. I've gotten very used to being happy and I love you very much indeed.

He always struck me as the most happily married of men. Not just of presidents, but of men.

Spring Music

All Songs Considered has a pretty helpful guide to new Spring music. I'm quite excited about the new Josh Ritter, Stars, and the National. Bloodbuzz Ohio is probably my favorite new tune yet in 2010. I think Sia has a new CD coming out, hopefully, along with Band of Horses. There are some CDs I'd like to pick up, maybe, but I'm not sold yet, like Rogue Wave. Anyway, lots of good tunes already in 2010 like Shout Out Louds and Freelance Whales (which are coming to the 9:30 Club; oh, I'd like to go!). I'm also a big fan now of Frightened Rabbit, of course, and listening to that a lot.

I need to do a better job of going to see some live music. It's a release, like running. It's an escape, a place to just get lost in the moment and the rhythm and the lyrics. Am I the only one who cares about the lyrics? I wish I could write like that.

Top Chef

To DC!

I would love to see them...must stalk Washington Hilton and Whole Foods!

So Rough

So it's been so rough today. I should have gone home and been with mom & dad. I can't take the yelling and screaming and raging and head shaking and vengeance. I can't. I am so upset and I have no one to talk to and I feel so alone. I have felt sick all day and can't eat and can't sleep. I am trying to drink some wine and force some food down but the mood swings are killing me. I haven't been able to say or do anything right for the last 36 hours. I can't even go running now because I've consumed about 500 calories today and I have no energy. And it's beautiful out for Easter Sunday...sunny and warm and beautiful and just the perfect Easter day.

I miss being a kid and having the family near us where we could have one of mom's big Easter dinners and grandma and grandpa and grandpa joe would come over. I miss that so much and it does go by so fast. I'm 34 years old and I don't know if I will ever be in the family atmosphere again. I don't think I have been so upset on a holiday before. A day that should be important to me, to us.

These terrible mood swings, the raging, the screaming..I can't take it any longer. I can't. It doesn't matter if 95% of the time if it's good. It feels like the lobster analogy. It does.

Rough Night

Been a rough night. Loud. Upset. I hate the yelling and the temper and the rage that threatens to overwhelm. I hate witnessing that and being fearful at the same time. I don't know what to do about it.

I get great images of the nephew and his beautiful smile and happiness and I want to be in that place so much. I try to equivocate and hide and stay calm but there's rage, too. I don't like victimhood. It's about survival. But not like this.

I am trying to be better about admitting what I feel. About being strong when I feel so weak. And that no one can understand because some things remain private.

Been a rough night.

Good Friday

I attended St. Matthew's for Good Friday services today, despite the fact I never really get into a Good Friday service there. I appreciated that the Bishop addressed the child molestation by priest issue. I greatly appreciated the community of Catholics present, feeling less alone in commemorating a day that is so meaningful. I appreciate hearing the Passion, a story I've heard so many times but am always profoundly affected by.

But I never quite "feel" that parish. I think I need to try to get to St. Joseph's next year, or somewhere else. Easter is late next year--Lent doesn't even start til after my birthday. I need to remember, or maybe pick that weekend to go home.

I still miss going to Holy Thursday services with mom. As a kid, you never would believe the things you'd miss that much.

The "Mommy Track"

I don't know what my future holds in terms of having children, but this is interesting.

On facebook, someone commented that "flexibility and balance" are codewords for "I want to work less." And I agree. As a childless working woman, why should I have to come second to a woman who works part-time(ish) and works at home? I'm not opposed to flexibility, as long as that flexibility allows for those without kids to enjoy its perks, too. Here, not so much. No kids, you are a slave.

I will allow I may feel differently someday, but maybe not.