So it's been so rough today. I should have gone home and been with mom & dad. I can't take the yelling and screaming and raging and head shaking and vengeance. I can't. I am so upset and I have no one to talk to and I feel so alone. I have felt sick all day and can't eat and can't sleep. I am trying to drink some wine and force some food down but the mood swings are killing me. I haven't been able to say or do anything right for the last 36 hours. I can't even go running now because I've consumed about 500 calories today and I have no energy. And it's beautiful out for Easter Sunday...sunny and warm and beautiful and just the perfect Easter day.
I miss being a kid and having the family near us where we could have one of mom's big Easter dinners and grandma and grandpa and grandpa joe would come over. I miss that so much and it does go by so fast. I'm 34 years old and I don't know if I will ever be in the family atmosphere again. I don't think I have been so upset on a holiday before. A day that should be important to me, to us.
These terrible mood swings, the raging, the screaming..I can't take it any longer. I can't. It doesn't matter if 95% of the time if it's good. It feels like the lobster analogy. It does.
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