Goodbye 1015

After 16 years, I'm leaving 1015. Not moving far, to 1776. And not leaving a job. Just a relocation.

I'm so used to my view of 18th Street, and my new view is arguably better, of two streets. And we'll have some new amenities, and we'll be modern, with some new furniture.

So many memories here, though, of the 2000 election and 9/11, certainly. Of former colleagues, learning of M's death, hearing of engagements and new babies and celebrating birthdays. Lots of quiet moments, tears, and frustrations. Late nights and early mornings. Escapes to Borders across the street, a couple of incarnations of Jack's below. Lots of coffee. Lots of walks to R's desk, and lots of closed door conversations with colleagues/friends. Angry moments. Ridiculous moments. Incredulous moments.

So here's to a new place to work...and here's to the old. I hope I won't be there for 16 years, though!

Overcome

So much to do....surviving our annual conference is a challenge, but I'm stuffed up and sleep deprived and right now heavily dependent on caffeine to make me feel normal. Is this how it always is? I don't know if last week's event will necessarily stand out, but I'm always grateful for the opportunity to visit with friends, see amazingly insightful speakers, and engage in random conversations ranging from Wrestlemania to concerts. So I'm off again, to a wedding for a colleague I've know for 13 plus years. If I survive the snowstorm, of course.

 I will be back in Michigan in a week. And for that, I am grateful. I won't care about anything else as long as I am with my family.

Office Move

So for the first time in a decade, I've moved to a new work space. Granted, it's right next door, but I have a third window and lots more white space.  It's a little weird to get accustomed to. I am ordering a credenza and two new tall bookshelves, and that will enable me to have more of my conservative/legal books here. But I don't have any firm ideas on other things to order. I need artwork or photographs, and I've thought about printing some of our Uganda prints. I'm also thinking of some big maps or Michigan-related artwork. I should head to the National Gallery or National Geographic one day to check out the gift shops.

It's hard to decorate, and I think I am over-thinking things. But I spend 8-10+ hours a day here, and it should be a more comfortable place. I don't necessarily want a lamp, because I don't want it too comfortable here. But changes need to be made, and I need to be brash enough to make them!

Burnt out at 30?

So I can and cannot relate to this article about millennials feeling burnt out by 30.

I think it is common to feel burnt out and tired of working the daily 9-6 plus overtime and weekends, and I can only imagine how hard it is if you have a baby at home.  But it's life, and I don't think that this generation is unique in having to deal with thees struggles. Yes, some say that Gen Y is coddled and raised to expect success and have such high expectations/coddling thrust upon them.  But at the same time, I don't think things have changed that much in a decade. Work is life is work, and we need to adjust.  I think this sentiment of coddling has led many to opt out to try to "work at home" and "consult" and have a non-traditional schedule.  But ultimately, I think that will backfire in the long term. Those who stick it out eventually arise through the ranks, experience some professional success, and thrive. Continuously opting out only makes you a step behind, and you have to work all that much harder to prove yourself. And unless you have filthy rich parents, we're all ultimately on an even playing field out there.

So my heart does not weep for them.  Just wait til how burnt out they all feel at 35!!

Back to Work

I am always mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted after our annual conference. It's from a lack of sleep, fighting a cold, and near constant talking and standing and pure extro-version I have to exert.  It's a good event, of course, and there are so many friends to see.  And I had a good time, eating at PJ Clarke's and eating at the kid's table at Morton's.  But I am always somewhat frustrated at the end, and tired.  And did I mention tired?  Yes.  And it's a week til Thanksgiving, blah.  At least it was a balmy 70 degrees, which is something I cannot miss.

Drained

I am just drained by the last 24 hours. Last two plus weeks, actually.

San Francisco to floors to furniture to condo to Texas to workplace explosions. And back to back dinners when all I really want to do is stay at home and relax. And breathe. Stay calm, stay calm.

I am looking forward to seeing Liz & Cindy for drinks tonight, martinis actually. Last night was actually nice with Kathy and Sally and the liter of beer (literally). It just amazes me that a bladder can hold that much beer! And for a while I felt better, and more relaxed, and calmer. I stayed calm.

And a few hours later, laying in bed, yeah, my heart was racing once again.

I am tired of getting emotional and having people walk all over me. It isn't fair to myself, and my integrity, to quiver and sob about that kind of callousness. And I just want to stay calm and not feel so emotionally and physically drained.

Working Woes

There are days like today, when it's been a frustrating morning, that I really think it would be awesome to be SAHM.

Or maybe a college student. It's been sixteen years--nearly half my life--since I moved into the dorms as a freshman. Steve's commemorating 18. I remember college seeming like such an abstract concept back then, and now I barely remember the anticipation of going back to school, seeing old friends, and having some of that independence that seemed so elusive at the time.

I'm not in the camp that believes college is the best time of your life. I believe you have many wonderful periods in your life--the years of being single with your first paycheck, being engaged, being a new parent, having kids who are "people" and not babies who can't communicate with you, being an empty nester, etc. There is something special about college, because you rarely have time in your life to explore your academic passions with all of your best friends around you. It does go by far too quickly, and you do miss those days. I don't know if I'd go back, though, but I would have savored more if I could have known.

Sixteen years does seem an impossibly long time, at times. Having seen Donna last week, we briefly touched on the "would you have gone there again?" question that comes up every so often. I don't know, and we both had that sense of "well, it brought me along the path I'm traveling on now." There's always a sense of what other path I could have taken, though, that would have meant more or less success. But I wouldn't be sitting here, I don't think, with this ring on.

I guess you come to terms with your choices and move forward. And remember fondly, while not looking back to far, either.

So Tired

Sleepiness just hit me like a brick. I'm drained and I need to go for a run tonight. But now I feel so tired I could sleep here.

Gonna close my door for a few and snooze.

This travel is too much.

Is it time to go home yet?

I am bored and burnt out and all I can think of is what I want for dinner. Or food in general.

God, do I need a vacation!

I am passing my day researching St. Lucia, cell phone boosters, and finding different National tracks to stream. Currently heavily depending on All Songs Considered (RIP WOXY, boo still). And thinking about food after an eh lunch. And recovering from the eye doctor, boo to that, too.

And feeling peaceful about a night off from running. Need a vacation from that, too. And enjoying the cooler weather and rain, liking that too.

The "Mommy Track"

I don't know what my future holds in terms of having children, but this is interesting.

On facebook, someone commented that "flexibility and balance" are codewords for "I want to work less." And I agree. As a childless working woman, why should I have to come second to a woman who works part-time(ish) and works at home? I'm not opposed to flexibility, as long as that flexibility allows for those without kids to enjoy its perks, too. Here, not so much. No kids, you are a slave.

I will allow I may feel differently someday, but maybe not.

Working for a Living

The other day, I received one of those Social Security statements in the mail, in preparation for the upcoming birthday. It struck me I've been working, and thus paying, for Social Security since 1992. This is my 19th year of working. I've officially been working more than half of my lifetime, and have been for a couple of years. And at 33 years and 10 months, I have, what, four more decades to go, give or take? What a depressing thought!!!!!

I don't know when I transitioned over here to making this as a career, not a job. It happens overnight, doesn't it, the same way you go from 23 to 34 and you still see yourself as 17, at least on some days. It's hard to tell someone who is at that stage what things will be like, how you wind up places you don't ever think you'd be in, or remain in places long after things have passed. I think about C, who left DC 18 months ago, and maybe is returning, after a vocation didn't click. And maybe she'll go back, who knows? She wouldn't be the first to come and go and come back again. And maybe it works out differently the second time around.

A job is a paycheck; work is a way of life. In between is what matters.

Busy Busy Busy

Busy ten days plus. I've had a lot on my mind, but haven't felt like writing about it. Detroit was fine. Joey was adorable and fast and full of energy. I miss being close by to see him grow up. He liked his little sportcenter game. Kev & I went out for drinks on Saturday night. Fun.

Dinner and work meeting on Saturday in Philly. We had the Branzino and some kind of pasta at Table 31. Eh meeting.

Work has been a pain, and everyone is upset with me for reasons of the budget and what not. Eh.

What else...season finale week last week and now just American Idol left. Red Wings are still alive. Listening now to ABC music lounge. I can't believe how ND fell victimized to the charms of Obama. And is it Memorial Day yet?

See, not much I can muster much enthusiasm for. Hopefully that changes soon.

SCOTUS, Obama, Work, Stuff

The DC gun ban came down, 5-4 in our favor. Yeah. Not that I am about to go out and buy a gun, mind you. But I think Scalia is brilliant, and it is ridiculous that the District has basically denied its citizens to own and register a gun, unless you lived in this city as a legal adult back in 1976.

As usual, Jan Crawford Greenburg nails it. Yes, Obama, you are a hypocrite and panderer.

Work is eh now. I am off to Chicago tomorrow. I am looking forward to the weekend and catching up with FS friends, but am tired. I feel like I am getting so far behind on wedding stuff again. So much to do, and only 37 days left! Less really when it comes to planning!

I caught up with Sal on Monday, did I mention that? Good to catch up.

I also did some shopping this week. Macy's, Ann Taylor for a cute black jacket and a dress. I need a shower outfit!!!