I've been going through those stages in the last, oh 15 years, when I just need to move on. I work so hard, feel so little respect, and just get so disgruntled. And you do this flip side, bargaining sort of perspective: Lucky to have a job, lucky to have members I consider friends, lucky to have these kinds of opportunities in general. And then I feel cut off, and disconnected, and ignored. And again, that idea of ego affects me. And I know my attitude is awful now, and I'm maybe being short-sided. I don't know.
I always prided myself on knowing that hard work is acknowledged and rewarded, but motivation...that is the tricky part and where many fall flat. But it's a vicious circle oftentimes: you lose that impetus to advance when you think that everything you do is overlooked. And it's hard to know if you are being sensitive or if you're being realistic. And when it's time to forge onward.
I don't know. I'll see how I feel after yet another convention. I anticipate this time yet dread it. If only I had something going on...I used to fantasize a bit about being pregnant, about feeling well-known and admired and being a central figure. But now I just want to muddle through.
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