I am not having a good day.
I've kept my door closed until recently, so I don't appear anti-social.
I'm having a hard time.
I am so worn out, I just want to call my mom and dad and go to them and just be with people who love me, unconditionally and without anything asked in return.
I want to be with people who don't demand my constant apologies, who don't demand that I prostrate myself at my feet and spend a day in tears. Because I need to be the one to forgive. I can't have someone call me horrible names, horrible horrible names, and tell me I deserve it.
All I have ever wanted was love. And I thought marriage would be enough, marriage would bring me that. Instead I am constantly compromising myself, crying bitter tears and wondering if I deserve to be alone, like they told me so many years ago.
And now my door is closed again.
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