Jealous and Selfish

So many of the bloggers I read are pregnant now. And I am jealous. I so want a baby, I want to be a mommy, and most of the time I bury that deep down inside. And with my husband so angry right now, and subject to such moodiness, I know that event if I could get pregnant, it is not a good thing. He can yell at me like this, but not at a child.

But every time I see a baby or pregnancy post on facebook, my heart yearns a bit, and I wonder if and when I will ever get a turn. And I feel completely selfish--I am married and have friends, and that used to be all I could ever ask for--I just really, really want a baby. I want to be a mom and know that kind of love. I want to be a part of that club. I want to talk about families and pregnancy and have something to care about besides working all of the time and never having fun. We never have fun.

I know I am a bad person. But I want a baby, and this is my only outlet to talk about how badly I feel this.