Character

It's been a hectic week, after visiting Cincinnati, dinner our with Marissa and Jay on Monday, World Cup soccer with neighbors, dinner with E last night. I am looking forward to a quieter evening tonight, a stop at HT, and maybe an episode of OITNB. I did an elliptical this morning, much needed after over indulging lately.

It's summer. It's been stormy and hot, the days are long. And it'll be July in one week, which is ridiculous. Half-way through 2015 already. And July will be a busy one, as will August. And September...so it goes.

I am searching for direction and spark, and I'm trying to live more in the moment. It's now 8.5 months until 40, and there are days I could almost anticipate it, and other days I'm dreading it. I cannot wrap my brain around being in my 40s. I still recall not being able to envision life after 22. Or life in college. Life outside of St. V. It's like a rubber band that stretches further out, or maybe something that keeps unwrapping to cover up more of what your life is like at this point or that.

I'm reading David Brooks The Road to Character, which has been outstanding. The more I read, the more I demand "great books." Fracture was great.  Ideas, motivation, drive, integrity, dignity, and utter failure.

Being transgendered has been the story of the summer. How does that state of being reconcile with character? Can it? Brooks struggles with the definition of "true self." Maybe that concept is overrated. You can spend a lifetime and never quite define that. Or you can reach that state in youth.

I am not sure if this is the best word, but it's authenticity. And dining last night, hearing that ridiculous story on the porcelain dolls, all I can think is "Own it." Do not be ashamed or embarrassed, the way I would have been. Own who you are, because you don't get a second chance in this life. One is what you have.