Jealousy is something that I am struggling mighty with right now. I don't think it is fair that some people have working at home jobs and have thus a far reduced workload than I have. I don't think it is fair that some people don't have crap all of the time to deal with at home. And I don't think it is fair that some people get to have their beautiful babies and families and I have to watch all of it on the sidelines, never being able to scream "Of course I want that!" All of this jealousy only breeds resentment. And it makes me a bitter, unhappy, grouchy person more times than not. And it makes me so stressed, all of the time, and worried that I won't ever attain that.
I don't know what the solution to it is. I used to think I'd be happy to be married, and that is all well. But I think I've always been someone a step behind socially, and I always fear that the "in crowd' just gets these things so much easier than I do. I have to work so damn hard, all of the time. I work so hard at the office, at home, to make my husband happy. Nothing is easy, and that breeds unlimited resentment. And I know that I am lucky, that so much worse stuff could be happening to me. But yet...I struggle. I am jealous, and I am not proud by that. I need to be humbled, I need to be at peace. But not now.
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