Makes Me Smile

So I wanted to write about this guy, in case I ever forgot about it. Several mornings a week, on our way to the office along H Street, we pass this man I call the spinning guy or the twirling guy. He has this wacky workout of twirling around as he runs down the street. I've seen him as far down as 8th or 9th or 10th street, or as close as North Capitol. He is in fantastic shape, always smiling and chanting and wearing about the same workout gear. But everyone laughs when they see him. He's pure joy at a time we'd rather be at home in bed, or anywhere but driving into work. Just had to remember him.

Time To Myself

Steve's at his fantasy draft, and I'm decked out on the nice new sofa watching SVU. I've been craving some time to myself these last couple of days, and I need more. Maybe I should take Friday off, or a Friday off soon. I'm exhausted. I'm mentally exhausted. I don't know if it was being extroverted at work travel events or social engagements or what. All I know is that I just want to be alone.

There's lots about summer I like--daylight, being outside after that long winter--but I'm ready to nest in the Fall and Winter. Just be home alone and focus on myself and my husband and my home.

Labor Day is late this year, and I feel like I've been laboring long enough. I need to find some balance. I just finished Eat, Pray, Love and I definitely empathized with Liz Gilbert's year away--her sabbatical, if you will. She was my age--34--as she began her journey, and I think that point in your life, if you've been working 18 years like I have been--you need some respite. It doesn't matter if there was a divorce or something traumatic or just a moment of instability, internal or external.

I am trying to be nice to myself in little moments--getting lunch, coffee, Rita's on a Sunday afternoon, etc. But I think I need to make a major attempt to be kind to myself, more than just a nice gesture. I need to make a grand gesture to get out of this funk. I feel like I've gained a few pounds, am exhausted of the bickering at work, and tired at the ordeals of the house.

I will find a way to deal, I always do. But right now, I feel like it's more than a funk.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Been a lousy week, so I'm trying to cheer myself up by thinking of things that make me happy.

A new haircut.
A new music discovery.
Goat cheese.
Salt bagel with cream cheese.
Being at my "happy" weight.
The grocery store.
Target.
Looking at pictures of Joey.
Our new furniture.
A new magazine.
Temperate temperatures (80s!)
Bowl of buttery, salty popcorn.
Leaving work.
Being with my family.
Farmer's markets.
Homemade pesto.

New Music Lately

I've been on a buying spurt of new albums lately. The new Ra Ra Riot is going to get mediocre reviews from me. Boy is the strongest single, and the rest of the album is much more mellow. Arcade Fire is fine, but not something I'm going to listen to often. The suburban vibe does resonate, though. I am glad I finally broke down and bought Infinite Arms, from Band of Horses. I had downloaded several of the singles already, and when it was a bargain sale on Amazon, I had to get the rest. It's good, rootsy, listen-able music I can run to or just have on in the background. I also bought the Mynabirds, which I've already listened to several times. Great music--Dusty Springfield is often the comparison--but it sort of reminds me more of Duffy. Love that. I also bought Delta Spirit, just because I loved Bushwick Blues. Such a great tune, and a definite on my list of favorite songs of 2010 (wow, only four months left in the year, already!).

So what is next? I am sure I will find something I like quite a bit.

Drained

I am just drained by the last 24 hours. Last two plus weeks, actually.

San Francisco to floors to furniture to condo to Texas to workplace explosions. And back to back dinners when all I really want to do is stay at home and relax. And breathe. Stay calm, stay calm.

I am looking forward to seeing Liz & Cindy for drinks tonight, martinis actually. Last night was actually nice with Kathy and Sally and the liter of beer (literally). It just amazes me that a bladder can hold that much beer! And for a while I felt better, and more relaxed, and calmer. I stayed calm.

And a few hours later, laying in bed, yeah, my heart was racing once again.

I am tired of getting emotional and having people walk all over me. It isn't fair to myself, and my integrity, to quiver and sob about that kind of callousness. And I just want to stay calm and not feel so emotionally and physically drained.

Working Woes

There are days like today, when it's been a frustrating morning, that I really think it would be awesome to be SAHM.

Or maybe a college student. It's been sixteen years--nearly half my life--since I moved into the dorms as a freshman. Steve's commemorating 18. I remember college seeming like such an abstract concept back then, and now I barely remember the anticipation of going back to school, seeing old friends, and having some of that independence that seemed so elusive at the time.

I'm not in the camp that believes college is the best time of your life. I believe you have many wonderful periods in your life--the years of being single with your first paycheck, being engaged, being a new parent, having kids who are "people" and not babies who can't communicate with you, being an empty nester, etc. There is something special about college, because you rarely have time in your life to explore your academic passions with all of your best friends around you. It does go by far too quickly, and you do miss those days. I don't know if I'd go back, though, but I would have savored more if I could have known.

Sixteen years does seem an impossibly long time, at times. Having seen Donna last week, we briefly touched on the "would you have gone there again?" question that comes up every so often. I don't know, and we both had that sense of "well, it brought me along the path I'm traveling on now." There's always a sense of what other path I could have taken, though, that would have meant more or less success. But I wouldn't be sitting here, I don't think, with this ring on.

I guess you come to terms with your choices and move forward. And remember fondly, while not looking back to far, either.

Texas, Again

Yet another trip done. We were in Harlingen for Julie & Rob's engagement party. It was a super quick trip, leaving Friday night and returning approximately 49 hours later. We ate lots of food, drank too much, spent too much time on fantasy football, and slept far too little. Worked out far too little. I am ready for my run right now.

People in TX are geared up for November 2. They are as convinced as we are that the direction of the country is headed south, but not in a way we'd prefer. Down, down southwardly. But it's a good 10 weeks away or so, and we must be patient.

Crazily enough, I've been snacky all day. And I'm sure a run won't remedy that, either...Sigh.

Long Week, Long Trip Ahead

We had a good condo meeting last night, and my reward was seeing Donna. It was later, and shorter than expected, but seeing a good friend after so long (two years!) was so worth it. And she'll be back, and I will see her in Toronto! I am so excited about it.

Between NC, furniture delivery, condo stuff, draft order, seeing her, flying to TX, and everything that is going on next week, I am forgetting to breathe. I haven't had much of an opportunity to work out this week, and the prospect of getting out of bed at 6:30 a.m., after 4-5 hours of sleep, was just not a good one. So I slept and walked at lunch. And we are leaving in an hour to sit by the gate and drink a beer and eat a burger or whatever and just breathe. And be grateful we have family to visit, a great friend who had her own 4am wake-up call, and jobs that can support our travel plans.

We will be OK, and it will be busy and hectic, but we will be OK. And I will SO enjoy a free weekend when we get one, whenever that may be!!!

Eventide

We dined out last night at Eventide with Laura & Ed. The restaurant was swank yet comfortable, with black leather seats that were sort of amusement park like with a door that opened up the booth. The food was delicious--I had the lobster gnocchi which I ate every last bite of, and Steve had pan seared Alaskan halibut with parmesan grits, fava bean cream, pickled okra, roasted corn, fava beans, and marjoram. Those grits were the best thing ever, and it was so fresh and seasonal. The gnocchi had Roasted corn, cherry tomatoes, chopped basil, baby arugula, lobster/corn butter. Corn, yum. Afterwards we split a slice of vanilla mascarpone cheesecake with Espresso granita, chocolate-covered espresso beans, dark chocolate caramel, milk chocolate crema. Oh good.

But the two bottles of shiraz (name not on the website) were the best...so good and juicy and fruity. I'd come back for the wine!

And conversation flowed too...from work to tea parties to children to religion to football. Nice evening, even if it was a bit pricey. I do endorse Eventide and would love to go to their lounge to try that out next time!

New Furniture

After my < 24 hours in Winston-Salem, I rushed home yesterday and we drew for the fantasy draft (last, boo!) and sold one of the wine racks. And today, I took a few hours off to await our new furniture, which includes a sofa, coffee table, dining room table, steamer bar, and a 46" television. Entertainment center and chairs yet to come.

And paint, yeah. It never ends, does it?

Hopefully tomorrow's meeting won't be as stressful as I fear it will be. My reward is seeing Donna afterwards, and wow, will it be good to see her. I plan on trekking to Whole Foods to pick up a few things so we can entertain, even if it's only for cocktails. And then Texas. And then lots of dinners. Gosh, I miss running. If it's nice in the morning, I am in such a need for a run.