Makes Me Smile

So I wanted to write about this guy, in case I ever forgot about it. Several mornings a week, on our way to the office along H Street, we pass this man I call the spinning guy or the twirling guy. He has this wacky workout of twirling around as he runs down the street. I've seen him as far down as 8th or 9th or 10th street, or as close as North Capitol. He is in fantastic shape, always smiling and chanting and wearing about the same workout gear. But everyone laughs when they see him. He's pure joy at a time we'd rather be at home in bed, or anywhere but driving into work. Just had to remember him.

Time To Myself

Steve's at his fantasy draft, and I'm decked out on the nice new sofa watching SVU. I've been craving some time to myself these last couple of days, and I need more. Maybe I should take Friday off, or a Friday off soon. I'm exhausted. I'm mentally exhausted. I don't know if it was being extroverted at work travel events or social engagements or what. All I know is that I just want to be alone.

There's lots about summer I like--daylight, being outside after that long winter--but I'm ready to nest in the Fall and Winter. Just be home alone and focus on myself and my husband and my home.

Labor Day is late this year, and I feel like I've been laboring long enough. I need to find some balance. I just finished Eat, Pray, Love and I definitely empathized with Liz Gilbert's year away--her sabbatical, if you will. She was my age--34--as she began her journey, and I think that point in your life, if you've been working 18 years like I have been--you need some respite. It doesn't matter if there was a divorce or something traumatic or just a moment of instability, internal or external.

I am trying to be nice to myself in little moments--getting lunch, coffee, Rita's on a Sunday afternoon, etc. But I think I need to make a major attempt to be kind to myself, more than just a nice gesture. I need to make a grand gesture to get out of this funk. I feel like I've gained a few pounds, am exhausted of the bickering at work, and tired at the ordeals of the house.

I will find a way to deal, I always do. But right now, I feel like it's more than a funk.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Been a lousy week, so I'm trying to cheer myself up by thinking of things that make me happy.

A new haircut.
A new music discovery.
Goat cheese.
Salt bagel with cream cheese.
Being at my "happy" weight.
The grocery store.
Target.
Looking at pictures of Joey.
Our new furniture.
A new magazine.
Temperate temperatures (80s!)
Bowl of buttery, salty popcorn.
Leaving work.
Being with my family.
Farmer's markets.
Homemade pesto.

New Music Lately

I've been on a buying spurt of new albums lately. The new Ra Ra Riot is going to get mediocre reviews from me. Boy is the strongest single, and the rest of the album is much more mellow. Arcade Fire is fine, but not something I'm going to listen to often. The suburban vibe does resonate, though. I am glad I finally broke down and bought Infinite Arms, from Band of Horses. I had downloaded several of the singles already, and when it was a bargain sale on Amazon, I had to get the rest. It's good, rootsy, listen-able music I can run to or just have on in the background. I also bought the Mynabirds, which I've already listened to several times. Great music--Dusty Springfield is often the comparison--but it sort of reminds me more of Duffy. Love that. I also bought Delta Spirit, just because I loved Bushwick Blues. Such a great tune, and a definite on my list of favorite songs of 2010 (wow, only four months left in the year, already!).

So what is next? I am sure I will find something I like quite a bit.

Drained

I am just drained by the last 24 hours. Last two plus weeks, actually.

San Francisco to floors to furniture to condo to Texas to workplace explosions. And back to back dinners when all I really want to do is stay at home and relax. And breathe. Stay calm, stay calm.

I am looking forward to seeing Liz & Cindy for drinks tonight, martinis actually. Last night was actually nice with Kathy and Sally and the liter of beer (literally). It just amazes me that a bladder can hold that much beer! And for a while I felt better, and more relaxed, and calmer. I stayed calm.

And a few hours later, laying in bed, yeah, my heart was racing once again.

I am tired of getting emotional and having people walk all over me. It isn't fair to myself, and my integrity, to quiver and sob about that kind of callousness. And I just want to stay calm and not feel so emotionally and physically drained.

Working Woes

There are days like today, when it's been a frustrating morning, that I really think it would be awesome to be SAHM.

Or maybe a college student. It's been sixteen years--nearly half my life--since I moved into the dorms as a freshman. Steve's commemorating 18. I remember college seeming like such an abstract concept back then, and now I barely remember the anticipation of going back to school, seeing old friends, and having some of that independence that seemed so elusive at the time.

I'm not in the camp that believes college is the best time of your life. I believe you have many wonderful periods in your life--the years of being single with your first paycheck, being engaged, being a new parent, having kids who are "people" and not babies who can't communicate with you, being an empty nester, etc. There is something special about college, because you rarely have time in your life to explore your academic passions with all of your best friends around you. It does go by far too quickly, and you do miss those days. I don't know if I'd go back, though, but I would have savored more if I could have known.

Sixteen years does seem an impossibly long time, at times. Having seen Donna last week, we briefly touched on the "would you have gone there again?" question that comes up every so often. I don't know, and we both had that sense of "well, it brought me along the path I'm traveling on now." There's always a sense of what other path I could have taken, though, that would have meant more or less success. But I wouldn't be sitting here, I don't think, with this ring on.

I guess you come to terms with your choices and move forward. And remember fondly, while not looking back to far, either.

Texas, Again

Yet another trip done. We were in Harlingen for Julie & Rob's engagement party. It was a super quick trip, leaving Friday night and returning approximately 49 hours later. We ate lots of food, drank too much, spent too much time on fantasy football, and slept far too little. Worked out far too little. I am ready for my run right now.

People in TX are geared up for November 2. They are as convinced as we are that the direction of the country is headed south, but not in a way we'd prefer. Down, down southwardly. But it's a good 10 weeks away or so, and we must be patient.

Crazily enough, I've been snacky all day. And I'm sure a run won't remedy that, either...Sigh.

Long Week, Long Trip Ahead

We had a good condo meeting last night, and my reward was seeing Donna. It was later, and shorter than expected, but seeing a good friend after so long (two years!) was so worth it. And she'll be back, and I will see her in Toronto! I am so excited about it.

Between NC, furniture delivery, condo stuff, draft order, seeing her, flying to TX, and everything that is going on next week, I am forgetting to breathe. I haven't had much of an opportunity to work out this week, and the prospect of getting out of bed at 6:30 a.m., after 4-5 hours of sleep, was just not a good one. So I slept and walked at lunch. And we are leaving in an hour to sit by the gate and drink a beer and eat a burger or whatever and just breathe. And be grateful we have family to visit, a great friend who had her own 4am wake-up call, and jobs that can support our travel plans.

We will be OK, and it will be busy and hectic, but we will be OK. And I will SO enjoy a free weekend when we get one, whenever that may be!!!

Eventide

We dined out last night at Eventide with Laura & Ed. The restaurant was swank yet comfortable, with black leather seats that were sort of amusement park like with a door that opened up the booth. The food was delicious--I had the lobster gnocchi which I ate every last bite of, and Steve had pan seared Alaskan halibut with parmesan grits, fava bean cream, pickled okra, roasted corn, fava beans, and marjoram. Those grits were the best thing ever, and it was so fresh and seasonal. The gnocchi had Roasted corn, cherry tomatoes, chopped basil, baby arugula, lobster/corn butter. Corn, yum. Afterwards we split a slice of vanilla mascarpone cheesecake with Espresso granita, chocolate-covered espresso beans, dark chocolate caramel, milk chocolate crema. Oh good.

But the two bottles of shiraz (name not on the website) were the best...so good and juicy and fruity. I'd come back for the wine!

And conversation flowed too...from work to tea parties to children to religion to football. Nice evening, even if it was a bit pricey. I do endorse Eventide and would love to go to their lounge to try that out next time!

New Furniture

After my < 24 hours in Winston-Salem, I rushed home yesterday and we drew for the fantasy draft (last, boo!) and sold one of the wine racks. And today, I took a few hours off to await our new furniture, which includes a sofa, coffee table, dining room table, steamer bar, and a 46" television. Entertainment center and chairs yet to come.

And paint, yeah. It never ends, does it?

Hopefully tomorrow's meeting won't be as stressful as I fear it will be. My reward is seeing Donna afterwards, and wow, will it be good to see her. I plan on trekking to Whole Foods to pick up a few things so we can entertain, even if it's only for cocktails. And then Texas. And then lots of dinners. Gosh, I miss running. If it's nice in the morning, I am in such a need for a run.

Another Trip

I'm off to Winston-Salem soon. Yet another trip. I'm burnt out thinking of it, but I will have a magazine to read and possibly a book.

I saw Eat, Pray, Love last night with Meg. I enjoyed it--pretty much fluff, beautiful scenery and eats, a story most 30-somethings can relate to on some level, and just a generally entertaining flick. I haven't seen any movies at all this summer, so I was glad to get out with a friend. Julia Roberts can be both annoying and endearing at the same time, but she's so under-exposed these days compared to Angelina and reality stars and whomever else is on the latest cover of Us Weekly. She is doing her thing, raising her family, and staying out of the limelight.

How is it already mid-August? I swear I do not know where the summer has gone. One more trip later this week, and then a break til September. Not much of a break, but it'll be Toronto!

Saturday Night

Stephen is finally off to his bachelor party, and after a day of errands...run/car/shop/take care of cranky husband, I'm home, with zucchini bread in the oven and a tummy full of risotto and shrimp. Yum. I am happy, except for the fact that the only station I can turn on upstairs happens to be the weather channel. WTF?

I want to exercise tomorrow, go to church, and then see Eat, Pray, Love with Meg. My day. My time. I'm feeling so stressed right now, with way too much going on and not to mention a cranky husband. I just want to chill out. I just want to have a "me" day.

We don't do that enough. We don't spend enough doing whatever we want to do. Me, me, me. That is what I'm talking about. I need some sanity before face the week ahead, largely doing what I have to do, with both the good and the bad together.

Too Busy

So too much going on after this weekend. It's a span of NC-dinner out-new furniture-Donna!-Texas-dinner out-dinner out-event-possible visitors. Sigh. I really need some relaxing time but then I responded to a movie request. We shall see.

Hopefully this weekend will have some relaxing time, as we start to put the downstairs together from the new floors and await our very long awaited, very anticipated new furniture. I am just looking forward to having the place be "normal" and be able to veg out on a comfortable new sofa.

As for tonight, gym or dinner out or what will win out? Just glad to be home and not traveling this weekend!

So Tired

Sleepiness just hit me like a brick. I'm drained and I need to go for a run tonight. But now I feel so tired I could sleep here.

Gonna close my door for a few and snooze.

This travel is too much.

Home

Today was a day "off" but after a red-eye, errands galore (oil change, Target, bridesmaid dress, hair stuff, etc., yet another purchase at Crate), I don't feel like I had much relaxing time. Plus the entire house smells like polyurethane after all of the floor work we have had done. I am very optimistic that everything will look nice once we complete the work, but we'll be a little broker too. And it will be worth it.

Only two trips next week, sheesh. I am tired of travel. San Francisco was great but I was so tired yesterday and I still have not slept. After B&N, I walked back toward Chinatown and the Italian part of town. I stopped in the (in)famous City Lights bookstore, and then got a bite to eat. I was feeling woozy and dehydrated. After some time chilling in the airport and two glasses of wine, I made it home. And one more Peet's scone.

So I've put on a few pounds, and I find it a bit inexplicable. Granted, I've been eating crap lately, but I have maintained regular workouts and the scale jumped overnight, almost literally. I am going to stick to salads the next couple of lunches and just be healthier again. Almost like a detox. Even the bridesmaid's dress was tight! I think the heat, lack of sleep, irregular eating, and just general stress of a hectic month have caught up with me. It'll be okay, I'm sure. I will get up earlier and run again tomorrow, and I will be far, far away from San Francisco thai food. Oh god that was good.

And the weekend ahead should be quite quiet, right? That is a good thing. Next week, though, not so much! But our furniture will arrive, work travel will end, and that I am looking forward to.

San Francisco

I'm sitting in a Barnes & Noble near Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. Trying to decide what to do next. The convention is over, and it's 2:30. And my flight leaves at 10pm.

I might see a movie or find some wine. I've already walked through Chinatown and had some Boudin, like a full loaf practically of sourdough. And I have some Ghiradelli Chocolate, and I desperately need to brush my teeth.

Last night I had wine here. The Press Club was good wine with good friends, and I was happy to have that diversion.

But now...not so sure. It's cold here, and I've already walked almost 3 miles, I think, and I ran three this morning. It would have been smart to pack a gym ba for the gym but oh wel.

Think I'm going to browse a bit, maybe hit TJ's, slowly head toward Union Square, and then figure it all out. I should refrain from spending money.

Crazy Raining

It's about to start thunderstorming outside. Dark and ominous, windy and deserted streets. I'm having a bored day, so I am enjoying some down time just staring out the window and listening to the Avett Brothers.

And now sirens.

It is fitting my mood today, bittersweet and melancholy and just down. I'm not sure why. Dissatisfaction with work, tired from travel, overwhelmed with house stuff, homesick a bit, feeling bloated, etc. etc. A good rain can be like a good cry and wash some of this away.

I've been following the Operation Beautiful blog stuff. I still don't buy the concept, because while positivity is all well and good, it's also superficial. It doesn't address, or embrace, the fact that some people live unhealthy lives and need a serious wake-up call. No, everyone is not beautiful. Some people are ugly and they don't have a beautiful bone in their bodies. Some people need to find the strength from within to improve, not a Generation-Y endorsed "We're all wonderful!" message. Seriously. I think it being so Gen Y is what irritates me the most.

Rain rain don't go away. I am enjoying it right now.

Twenty Years Ago III

So I could be off by a day or two, but 20 years ago our family left Detroit and settled in Fraser.

I lived in Fraser for four years, went to high school in GPW and Royal Oak, and then left for Indiana in 1994. Four years later, I came to DC and I have never left. So after twelve years, DC is so much more home than Fraser was.

But it's still "home." Detroit is home, Fraser is home, it is where my family is and where I grew up.

Michigan is at a crossroads this year, just like in 1990 when John Engler was elected. Yesterday was the primary, pitting Virg Bernero vs. Rick Snyder. Not the top choice for many Republicans--more people voted against him yesterday than voted for him--but I am hopeful he will prevail in November. Just like twenty years ago, Michigan will elect a Republican governor in November.

And things will get better.

Arcade Fire

I haven't been a fan of Arcade Fire, but I've been listening to their new album off and on today on All Songs Considered and I like it. It's also on sale at Amazon, so I might just have to buy it. Why not?

It's made an annoying day more bearable, which is always good. And yeah, it's been one of those days....

Two Years

Two years ago today we got married, at a beautiful chapel on a beautiful campus on a mostly sunny, warm day in front of our friends and family, in a town we both now call home. We were blessed.

Ten things I want to remember from that day...

1. Spending the night before by myself.
2. Mom dancing.
3. Dad eking out a smile or two.
4. Paul's hangover.
5. The Piano Man.
6. That beautiful dress.
7. The limo having issues getting to the church.
8. The brief rain storm before the cocktail hour.
9. T's toast.
10. Searching for that damn passport!!

Has it really been two whole years???!!!

Morton's

We had a nice anniversary dinner last night, caesar salads and filet and shrimp and pie. Key lime pie to take home with us. Good stuff. I am making more food tonight, fresh pesto and shrimp and bread and tomorrow I have lamb. Good food with good wine.

Now I am vegging out on the couch and watching The Notebook. Yes, I am lazy. But I did run nearly 6 miles earlier today so I have not been lazy all day. Later I will make dinner and do all sorts of a million things. But right now, it's about me. And good food. And opening that bottle of wine, soon.